Bachelor Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder-Thank You.
I’ve been waiting for the perfect opportunity to post this first message. A moment where I was so inspired that you could feel it in every word I type. So here it is:
Everyone that has been on the show can certainly relate to the anxiety of the actual airing of the episodes. The time where you, in your most embarrassing moments, your most intoxicated moments, your bad hair moments, are put infront of the world to be a target of scrutiny that you were told you deserved because you went on reality tv. I can tell you the airing of my season of “The Bachelorette” was one of the darkest memories of my life. Even though I had an amazing man to help me through it, I couldn’t help but wonder why I was being mistreated by people I trusted, by one of the guys, and now, America. I couldn’t help but wonder what everyone was thinking. I would check the blogs, the twitter feed, I would google my name uncontrollably. It was this weird addiction…it was almost self-abuse. I know many who can relate to this.
Having been called ugly, annoying, dumb, unworthy, and other adjectives I’ve chosen to block out, each time I am on television, I go into this weird state of anxiety. As if, I am about to relive all the negativity I was once subjected to. I call it bachelor post-traumatic stress disorder.
And with that same anxiety, I bravely watched Ben’s season finale (thoughts to come) surrounded by people who had no idea just how horrified I was to see my face on the screen again. I smiled, laughed, and probably fooled them all. When I got home tonight, I did what I once did and checked the twitter feed only to have my heart warmed and my faith in the goodness of people renewed.
I can not thank all of our followers, supporters, friends, family for being there for us during some of the most difficult times. Ironically, some of the most difficult times have been some of the most wonderful times. And we made it through the worst of it. To everyone that had faith, thank you. To everyone who continues to support us and all other bachelor couples, thank you. I mean it from the most sincere, deepest place in my heart.
I was never one to believe in an organized religion, but rather in this:
in positivity, kindness, karma, and happiness.
in getting what you give, and most importantly,
I believe in good again.
Because of you. Thank you.